[2022] 49ers anounce hiring of new General Manager

[Dr_Novella]

Hello members of the press, you are probably wondering why I have taken a break to meet with you all today. Especially since I'm in the middle on a trans pacific boat race. But one, I'm so far ahead, those losers won't catch up in time, and two, I have important news for you all. As of today, I am bringing on ECU coach @ObliviousLAX as General Manager of the 49ers. We had a nice conversation and I have determined that he is a good fit for the team. Anyone who wishes to do business with us should hit him up. With that, I will allow Oblivious to say a few words if he wishes.

[subsequent]

Question one: How good is your internet?

 

Question two: How will the fact that @ObliviousLAX is a storied Lacrosse Champion hurt or help him in his pursuit at bringing a Superb Owl to San Francisco?

[Dr_Novella]

Despite what the media tries to tell you, I have excellent internet, the best internet. People look at my internet and say "Oh Novella, it's too fast, slow it down a bit." And I say no and crank it even faster, cause that's how I do things.

 

Secondly, that Superb Owl won't know what hit em once Oblivious gets his hands on em. He's got them lacrosse eyes, knows when to strike. That owl will regret ever thinking it's better than me.

[ObliviousLAX]

It'll be tricky to fit that Owl into my Buick Lacrosse, but I'm sure with some well thought out plans and maybe a couple field mice, it'll willingly fly into our possession.