Jackson Five Declares Itself the Premier Music-themed Dice Football Team


  • Three-Time Playoff Participant
  • Two-Time DFL Division Winner
  • Dicebowl Champion
  • Early-Bird
After the Jackson Five made the playoffs for the third straight year, with a 12-4 record for the second year in a row, they released a public statement. Surprisingly it was not about the team's performance or upcoming playoff game, but rather a diss directed towards expansion team the Kelowna Keions.

"Don't think some little 2d anime girls who write fluffy pop music can come in and challenge us for the title of "best music based dice football team", Jermaine Jackson began his statement, "Like, yeah, Don't Say Lazy is a banger, but they don't even play that song, like, ever. And I've heard their music is ghostwritten. It's a damn shame the way the world of music has gone. We need more classics, we need more soul, we need more boogie, our music makes you whole. And Canada? Man, I don't buy it. Those girls, if anything, are Japanese. I mean if you look carefully you'll even see their logo isn't really the Canadian flag, it's a flag of the Rising Sun with a maple leaf thrown on it. Something fishy is going on with that team."

When asked if the team was busy preparing for their game against Portland this coming weekend, QB Michael Jackson replied "No". When asked why, he said "because they're bad, they're bad, you know it".

When asked for their thoughts on the situation, Jackson Five collaborators the Bee Gees all collectively declined, saying "Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk".