[2027] Post-Offseason Power Rankings

TuscanSota

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Hey everyone,

Now that the offseason is coming to a close I'm putting out a new rankings list based on how teams regressed and progressed in the offseason. This grid is going to appear a bit larger than usual.

For this ranking, I've added data regarding a team's regression along with FA and Draft information on overall progression. This allows us to see which teams moved up and down in terms of ratings.


Algorithm determining overall rating is the following: (Total Offense * 1.4) + (Total Defense * 1.4) * (Total Special Teams * 0.2)

It's not a perfect ranking system, but I'm going to brainstorm ways on refining it based on schemes for each team. More data calculation involved, but it may begin to appear as a more accurate power ranking.

Anyhow, without further ado, here's this season's rankings:

RankTeamOverallOffenseQBRBWROLDefenseDLLBDBSpecial TeamsKPKRRegressionFA RollsFA NetDraft RollsDraft NetTotal Net
1​
Chicago Dogs
52.67​
62​
18​
16​
13​
15​
46​
18​
15​
13​
34​
14​
11​
9​
-3​
2​
6​
2​
6​
9​
2​
Baltimore Ground Pigeons
49.67​
58​
14​
16​
12​
16​
45​
17​
10​
18​
24​
7​
11​
6​
-5​
3​
6​
2​
6​
7​
3​
San Diego FDS
48.73​
52​
16​
8​
14​
14​
49​
18​
16​
15​
24​
8​
8​
8​
-7​
3​
8​
2​
5​
6​
4​
Bay Area Golden Ospreys
48.13​
65​
17​
13​
17​
18​
35​
13​
10​
12​
22​
10​
3​
9​
-8​
1​
3​
2​
5​
0​
5​
Denver Doobies
47.73​
49​
15​
13​
11​
10​
47​
16​
15​
16​
44​
13​
18​
13​
-1​
1​
4​
3​
9​
12​
6​
Anchorage Snow Pandas
47.53​
54​
13​
13​
12​
16​
44​
18​
13​
13​
27​
10​
9​
8​
-5​
2​
1​
2​
6​
2​
7​
Ontario Grey Geese
47.40​
54​
18​
9​
17​
10​
44​
15​
11​
18​
25​
9​
6​
10​
-6​
2​
5​
2​
6​
5​
8​
Houston Candy Paint Slabs
47.13​
52​
15​
11​
11​
15​
45​
15​
15​
15​
28​
10​
7​
11​
-8​
2​
5​
3​
5​
2​
9​
Portland Evergreens
47.07​
52​
16​
12​
12​
12​
46​
14​
15​
17​
20​
7​
6​
7​
-1​
2​
6​
2​
4​
9​
10​
New Jersey Rollers
46.87​
53​
13​
11​
15​
14​
42​
14​
12​
16​
38​
12​
14​
12​
-5​
3​
7​
2​
4​
6​
11​
Miami Coke Snorters
46.40​
52​
17​
9​
16​
10​
44​
13​
14​
17​
24​
9​
8​
7​
-9​
3​
5​
2​
2​
-2​
12​
Salt Lake City Seagulls
46.20​
51​
13​
14​
11​
13​
43​
14​
15​
14​
35​
13​
9​
13​
-1​
4​
11​
4​
10​
20​
13​
Dakota Fannings
45.67​
52​
13​
13​
14​
12​
42​
12​
16​
14​
27​
12​
5​
10​
-4​
1​
2​
3​
5​
3​
14​
Minnesota Snowbos
45.47​
57​
18​
12​
11​
16​
36​
15​
9​
12​
31​
9​
8​
14​
-4​
4​
15​
3​
10​
21​
15​
New York Dwarfs
44.80​
62​
18​
18​
15​
11​
31​
10​
9​
12​
21​
8​
5​
8​
-5​
3​
5​
2​
6​
6​
16​
Seattle Steelheads
43.53​
46​
16​
7​
17​
6​
44​
10​
17​
17​
23​
7​
9​
7​
-15​
0​
0​
1​
1​
-14​
17​
Phoenix Mall Cops
43.20​
47​
16​
18​
3​
10​
41​
18​
10​
13​
32​
9​
7​
16​
-1​
1​
3​
5​
14​
16​
18​
Nashville Noise
42.93​
57​
15​
18​
11​
13​
31​
7​
9​
15​
28​
7​
12​
9​
-1​
1​
2​
2​
4​
5​
19​
Cleveland Not Detroits
42.73​
53​
17​
12​
14​
10​
36​
15​
6​
15​
18​
6​
7​
5​
-10​
3​
6​
2​
3​
-1​
20​
Kelowna Keions
42.20​
50​
15​
17​
9​
9​
36​
11​
10​
15​
31​
6​
11​
14​
-1​
1​
2​
2​
8​
9​
21​
Las Vegas Blackjacks
42.13​
45​
9​
15​
3​
18​
41​
15​
16​
10​
30​
8​
14​
8​
-3​
1​
2​
3​
8​
7​
22​
New Mexico Abuelas
39.80​
33​
15​
8​
7​
3​
47​
17​
13​
17​
37​
14​
11​
12​
-1​
0​
0​
4​
12​
11​
23​
Labrador Retrievers
39.13​
46​
11​
17​
12​
6​
35​
11​
8​
16​
20​
8​
9​
3​
-1​
0​
0​
4​
13​
12​
24​
Jackson Five
38.07​
35​
9​
10​
11​
5​
41​
12​
13​
16​
39​
12​
16​
11​
-5​
0​
0​
4​
7​
2​
25​
Clearwater Flints
37.13​
36​
9​
8​
13​
6​
38​
9​
18​
11​
39​
13​
12​
14​
-1​
0​
0​
4​
6​
5​
26​
Hollygrove Hoes
36.93​
47​
12​
12​
16​
7​
29​
7​
8​
14​
22​
9​
10​
3​
-1​
1​
5​
4​
9​
13​
27​
Atlanta Assassins
36.73​
41​
12​
5​
13​
11​
35​
10​
11​
14​
19​
8​
5​
6​
-15​
3​
5​
2​
1​
-9​
28​
Philadelphia Phatties
35.67​
40​
7​
12​
8​
13​
33​
10​
14​
9​
24​
9​
10​
5​
-15​
1​
0​
3​
7​
-8​
29​
Dallas Dingoes
34.00​
41​
17​
3​
17​
4​
30​
6​
15​
9​
13​
5​
5​
3​
-15​
2​
4​
2​
4​
-7​
30​
Boston Tea Party
33.80​
38​
9​
11​
10​
8​
30​
7​
12​
11​
31​
15​
13​
3​
-1​
0​
0​
3​
12​
11​
31​
Montreal Ouis
33.53​
43​
10​
16​
4​
13​
25​
7​
8​
10​
27​
12​
9​
6​
-4​
1​
1​
2​
5​
2​
32​
Trailer Park Boys
33.53​
40​
13​
7​
5​
15​
27​
6​
12​
9​
34​
14​
9​
11​
-1​
0​
0​
4​
13​
12​

Tier 1: Chicago, Baltimore, San Diego, Bay Area
Chicago remains at the top and with valid reasons. The Dogs still have their stalwart defense but made moves to optimize and improve their QB and RB positions. What was already a very high-caliber team just became even stronger. It remains curious to see what the Dogs will do on offense, but one thing's certain, the dogs are let loose.

Baltimore had quite the upset last season when underdog San Diego soundly defeated the Ground Pigeons in the AFC Divisional Rounds. Baltimore retains its strong running game and defense but made a large effort to build up their QB with new receivers. The Ground Pigeons are likely to continue with the ground game, but having a stronger passing game may make it for this team who's expected to make a return to the playoffs.

San Diego surprised many last season with an appearance in Dicebowl VIII. Despite losing to Seattle, it appears that the FDS have taken their spot soundly on this list. The team has taken notes this offseason and made all-around improvements, especially with their linebacker position. San Diego is likely going to be in contention with our next team on the list for the AFC West, but I think the FDS are looking to return to the Dicebowl, especially with how stacked that defense is.

Bay Area lost a very close game to San Diego in the AFC Conference championship in a nail-biter that went further into the 4th Quarter. Despite the late TD to give the Ospreys a 35-34 lead, San Diego took the cake by responding with a field goal (I think? I can't see the play by play so I'm going with this). Bay Area lost a number of key defensive players but made efforts in the Draft to re-bolster those positions. The biggest improvement for Bay Area was in hiring a new QB coach, who should help guide their young QB with an already-talented skill position players. Bay Area may have questions on defense, but one things' certain, this team is capable of going all out on offense this year.

Tier 2: Anchorage, Ontario, Denver, Houston
With Seattle making the most questionable moves of this offseason, the title for NFC West Division Champion is likely up for grabs. Anchorage all around is expected to win the division this year, and this offseason looks to be a potential indicator of so. The Snow Pandas' biggest move was in improving their offensive and defensive lines. With both lines now sound, Anchorage could be making large stops to run games this season, while showing off something of their own.

Ontario is unquestionably looking to be the uncontested division champion for the AFC East. The Grey Geese were able to push off a Cinderella-like Montreal from the Division title, and appear to be in place to do so with Philadelphia's disappointing season. After coming up short against both Miami and Seattle last season, Ontario's biggest moves were made in giving their excellent QB an elite WR and a new DB coach to aid the corners. Ontario is likely to make the playoffs again, but estimates are showing that this team could go beyond 10-6 in the season this year.

Denver came up short 7-9 last season, but Doobies fans are expecting a bounce-back this season. After signing a new franchise QB with the team and bringing in a talented linebacker from the draft, Denver has reasons to be excited. Their run-defense should remain strong, but with the aid of linebackers, Denver is expecting teams to not get as high as they themselves can when in Denver.

Houston disappointed last season going 7-9, as Dallas and Jackson made upsets late in the season against the Slabs. In free agency and the draft, Houston opted to invest heavily in a star running back. With a great QB and depth at RB, Houston looks poised to potentially run what could be a very successful option team.

Tier 3: Portland New Jersey, Miami, Salt Lake
At #9, and probably one of the biggest surprises this offseason is the rise of Portland. The Evergreens were already on the rise at a 9-7 regular-season finish, and after signing a DB from the Steelheads and bringing in a promising QB, the Evergreens are looking to be another contender in a top-heavy NFC West. While Evergreens fans like to see themselves as finally over the rebuild, Portland is hoping for revenge after Seattle has finally been making moves in terms of marketing territory. Can Portland take all of Oregon?

New Jersey has won their division 2x in a row and is showing to be a mainstay for the NFC East, ahead of Big Brother New York. The biggest moves this offseason for the Rollers have been with QB and WR, and I think improving these positions should help New Jersey with continuing to roll through their division. Can this help them improve on their playoff performance, which appears to be two wins across four seasons?

But will it be enough to take on Miami? It's hard to say. Things have appeared quiet in Miami as of late -- after the team suffered two losses to Houston and Seattle, the Coke Snorters ended up making it short of the Dicebowl game. It's clear Miami's key on returning to the big game, and with how the team looks, they're likely to make it back. This is not last year's team, but one should also note that the last thing to do would be to underestimate Miami.

Our runner-up for best offseason goes to Salt Lake. After a controversial donation from the Seattle Steelheads after hosting the Dicebowl, the Seagulls made well off on improving all parts of the Seagulls roster. The offense has a cast of new starters across all positions, and the defense boasts one of the best defensive lines in the AFC. What may have been a slow build-up for the Seagulls certainly got a boost, and the AFC North has never appeared more contested with Denver and Chicago eyeing the division title.

Tier 4: Dakota, Minnesota, New York, Seattle
After an upsetting 6-10 season, Dakota fannings are wondering about the direction of this team. Dakota has the talent; they have the strongest roster in the NFC North, but rival Cleveland and one of the Canadian teams (We don't know which one it will be this season) has upset the Fannings time and time again. With their defense being one of the better and difficult defenses to coach against, Coach Subsequent focused on improving all aspects of the offense. On paper, the team looks very balanced, which should give Dakota an edge that its option team has not had for some time.

Speaking of the north, neighboring team Minnesota finally woke up from their slumber last season. With a very good draft position and too much disposable income, Coach Llamas has done the unthinkable and got Kurt Siblings a new QB coach and a pair of talented, veteran-wide receivers. The Snowbos have also revitalized their defensive line; and in the draft, the crew picked up more rookie defensive linemen and a kick returner. What was once the weakest link for the Minnesota defense has become the defense's biggest strength. The AFC North looks busy this year, and Minnesota will not be making it easy for Chicago, Denver, and Salt Lake.

New York fell short to New Jersey in the playoffs last season; and their response? Double down on offense. The Dwarfs continue to refine on the second-best offensive unit in the league, to the point where we're unsure if anything could stop this New York team. Their QB, while short in stature, has quite the throwing arm. Their RB, small, but built like a block. Whether it be the ground or the air, New York will likely give their little brother a long-awaited beatdown. Or at least a very good rivalry game.

After a hallmark season where Seattle showed everyone how to win, Seattle sees itself in a very different position. The Steelheads had forgone their FA as a donation to one of the newer teams in the dice league, to the point where many players saw the signs that Seattle wasn't focusing on taking care of their own roster. Players ended up leaving for greener pastures from rival Portland to Labrador and Hollygrove. The Steelheads still have talent, and still have the best secondary in the league; but the sums of its parts are looking shorthanded, as this team will likely face issues on both the line and in the run game. For a team dedicated to not running the air raid, can Seattle keep up?

Tier 5: Nashville, Cleveland, Phoenix, Kelowna
Nashville made their inaugural season one to remember with a playoff appearance winning a close wild-card game against Chicago before getting knocked out by Bay Area the week after. This season, the team is keeping their rhythm by beefing up their defensive lineman in FA and investing in a linebacker and future QB for the franchise. Nashville has a long road ahead of them this season for the division title with an even stronger Baltimore team in division; the Noise could make another wildcard run, which is certainly within reach.

Cleveland fell hard to Seattle last season in the division round of the playoffs, and upon returning to Cleveland has a lot of questions to answer. The team is striving to keep up with the rest of the division; and while defeating a surprising Kelowna and underperforming Dakota helped them to an NFC North title, the division is much more packed than before. Cleveland has excellent coaching, but will it be enough for the Not Detroits to retain and defend their division title?

Phoenix has done the unthinkable; as one of the teams among the 2023 Expansion Teams (Insufferable Six), they are highest ranked at #19. Despite a successful offseason in both Free Agency and as the #1 overall pick in the draft, Phoenix has the difficult problem of being stuck in an extremely strong NFC West. The rise of Phoenix does indicate one thing, however; they will not make it easy for the rest of the division. This is likely also the first season where we begin to see stronger performances from the other 2023 expansion teams.

Kelowna shook up last season like Labrador did the year before; the benefit for the Keions, however, is that there's likely a chance they could challenge the rest of the NFC North again for the title. The Keions draft one of the best quarterbacks and runningbacks from the University of British Columbia, and so the Disney magic of the local town heroes could hit big. Actually, I don't even know if that's true, I just wanted to write that. It still stands, Kelowna went big on runningback this off-season, and that alone could help in a division where D-Lines appear to be average at best. Let's see where the Keions go this time.

Tier 6: Las Vegas, Labrador, New Mexico, Jackson
Vegas slumped their way to a 7-9 record last season; luckily for the Blackjacks and Coach Sarge, the team invested in key positions that should elevate the team's smashmouth game. Having the best OLine in the league will certainly give breathing room to their running back tandem and making bigger moves. The only thing stopping Vegas from making the playoffs unfortunately are a very strong San Diego & Bay Area squad. One or Two upsets against these two teams should help, and for Vegas, they're lucky that they're the house in this game of luck and dice.

Labrador fell back to earth, but rebounded quite well with a strong draft class. The Retrievers finally brought in a decent class of wide receivers and cornerbacks, so the team may live up to their mascot name, finally. Will they be able to have a 2025 Cinderella season again? It's hard to say, because Kelowna just had one and Dakota and Cleveland may be tired of this Canadian chaos.

New Mexico is the only team in this tier to not be from Canada. I just noticed that. What I discovered from this offseason is that the Abuelas have a really good defensive unit now. The only problem? The only good player on their offense is their quarterback. This is literally the reverse of Hollygrove.

Jackson continues to underperform after losing their head coach many seasons ago. The strength in this team is no longer in its offense but in a very decent defense and special teams unit. The Five could eye a return to glory, but it's certainly not this season.

Tier 7: Clearwater, Atlanta, Hollygrove(?!), Philadelphia

Of the remaining AI Expansion teams on this list, the team that could make the biggest surprises is Clearwater. They're certainly not going to win the division with New Jersey and New York at the top, but them having the best Linebackers in the nation will allow them to surprise some teams, just like how they upset Seattle in 2025. Yes, that happened. Clearwater hasn't had an upset since, but any Flints fan knows that next week could be the week for this squad.

Atlanta's falling. Hard. Losing coach Qupax is one thing, but with no direction and after three Dice Bowl appearances, the team is having trouble retaining talent. The AI on this team is certainly not machine learning, but the trend for the Assassins is to hide back in the shadows, because they certainly aren't striking this season.

To put into perspective how Hollygrove made it into tier 7, the team managed to snag a really nice linebacker in free agency. Drafting another defensive player has also given some life to this defense. It's still not a good defense, but it certainly is a better group from what the team had two seasons ago. Hollygrove has an offense, they're still in grade school learning how to read a defensive playbook.

The bad news: Philadelphia is likely rebuilding this season. The good news? They've got a coach! I'm going to be real, it's going to be a long season for Philadelphia this year. They may come up with a few wins with a coach leading the team; but this squad has seen better days. Another offseason and this team could be ready to place more wins on the board. Just trust the process, Philadelphia.

Tier 8: Dallas, Boston, Montreal, Trailer Park
Dallas is in a very similar situation to Seattle this season. Both teams have no run game, and both teams don't have an o-line. The biggest strengths? They still have a damn good QB and receiving squad. Dallas is low on this list simply because the team is solely an air raid team: Coach Vivid knows what he's doing and he's prioritizing what this team's strengths should be. My only concern for the Dingoes is that they're fighting against time. Continued success has hurt the Dingoes in many areas; and with one of the worst o-lines in the league, I think the Dingoes (and Steelheads) will have issues with fouls this season.

Boston has been down here for so long they don't have anywhere else to ship down to. The Tea Party is still at the bottom of the harbor. Okay, I'm done with the jokes. Boston isn't the worst team, they've certainly played stronger in previous seasons, but their AI seriously needs to stop drafting special teams players if they want to get out of the bottom.

I don't think anyone else would expect Montreal would fall this much. Montreal made headlines by going 9-7 last season and nearly stealing the AFC East from Ontario. They've got a great running back to boot and survived regressions, somewhat. Could the team outperform this ranking? Oui. Did the Montreal AI draft-only special teams positions this offseason? Oui. That's not how you build on a successful season; but what does Canadian Skynet know?

There's at least one thing you can guarantee with each off-season: Trailer Park continues to invest in their Oline. Having the second-best offensive line in the league may help the Boys with getting out of the last place in their division; the only issue Trailer Park has is they really need to step up on their runningback and receiver play. The team's defense is mediocre, so that certainly won't help them with moving up. This draft does lead the way for them to surprise other teams, however.
 

SageBow

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Great article Tuscan! I’m always about crushing my preseason expectations. Let’s see if I can do it again year 2!
 
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